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Beau Bernier Frank

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Sharing my story of the process of becoming an emerging artist while working, traveling, painting, overcoming challenges, and reaching milestones along the way.

(  ART   +   TRAVEL   +   LIFESTYLE  )

Good Pain

Good Pain

February 8, 2018

 

Sometimes I feel so far away. My mind can’t help but wander to all those places I hope to travel to. All those distant worlds. All those paintings on the walls. All those conversations with the ones I love. All those things that make me smile or laugh and for a split second, make me feel a sense of belonging and alignment. The things that remind me that this matters.

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How can I make my life be about these things rather than the things that make me feel so far away from who I am. How do I remain faithful to myself when the disconnect between how I feel and how I want to feel is wider than I can handle.

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Dissatisfaction conquers me and for a moment I am truly lost.

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It’s a peculiar feeling, almost like a bitter after taste or a dry throat that can’t cough up the right words. A knot in the stomach. A tightness constricting the lungs, suffocating and stealing breaths. It’s staying in bed until noon. To hide away and wait for it all to go away or maybe just disappear. Dissatisfaction is the enemy of gratitude and the companion to hopelessness. When it happens to me, it’s rockbottom, panic attacks, sweating from the stress, yelling fuck at the top of my lungs in my car while driving or crying after a hard day at work. It’s feeling trapped in a prison of my own making. 

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There have been moments in my life that brought me to my knees. Moments when I didn’t know who I was anymore. These experiences questioned my very existence leading me down a path that I feared I wouldn’t be able to escape. Life goes on, even if I can’t keep up with the pace. But each time is different. Sometimes the pain came unexpectedly through a surprise attack or it took a more direct approach like a head on collision.  In other instances, it was a slow creeping sensation that trickled in leaving me feeling like I was possessed. Taken over by the voices telling me how my world is ending, how I’m going to die, how I am unworthy, unnecessary and unlovable. I let my environment and circumstances dictate who I am and where I go. 

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I get lost.

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Finding my way back is like pressing the restart button. Each becomes a beginning, but with a new perspective, new options and new questions. The pain, struggle and suffering become my teachers. Lessons learned. Revelations of sorts. 

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It’s good pain.

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Reminders of what was and what can be if I’m not careful. That a chapter has ended and new one has begun. When I hit my lowest point—when I am defeated and broken, hope reaches out and I become open to the greatest change. Maybe I don’t ask for any of it but in many ways, the things that can’t be changed end up changing me. Because deep down, I’m more resilient and adaptable than I realize. Deep down, I want to find myself. I want to succeed. I want to love and respect the person I see in the mirror and I want to see that person become the best version possible.  

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I am enduring but a flicker in time. I am allowed to feel whatever it is I am feeling but I can’t let it consume me. As the narrator and main character of this story, I get to write each chapter as I experience it. I can choose to stay where I am, or try and find my way back home. To recenter, readjust my approach, heal and turn my scars into strengths that motivate me to chase my dreams and self actualize. Even though life isn’t as I imagined it to be, and even if I am weak at times, I am still strong enough to endure, grow, change, and become the person I have always wanted to become. 

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Breaking the negative feedback loop of beating myself, letting go of high expectations or perfectionism, accepting the devastation and allowing the hurtful emotions to flow through and not remain is the most difficult of all. Softening my approach to how I treat my mind, body, and spirit by returning to my roots and spending time with my thoughts as well as by reaching out to friends and family for support is what has guided me back to love. I give myself permission to be vulnerable and to feel all those things I need to feel and say all those things I need to say.  To take the heavy burden of life and to ask for help so that the pain can be alleviated through empathy, human connection and touch. It is simply a right of passage and an expression of what it means to be human. At the end of the day, we are all just trying to figure it out.

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Life is both beautiful and harsh at the very same time and it’s only by spending time with the ones I love and who love me that I am reminded of the marvel that is living. This is not a journey to take on alone, at least not when everything seems to be falling apart.

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I am so much more than just my pain, my struggles, my shame or my insecurities.  There is a light inside me that dims, flickers, or shuts off when life gets unbearable.  Sometimes it’s a person who takes away my power and turns it off. Sometimes life happens and turns it off. Sometimes I make mistakes or forget my purpose and I turn it off myself.  It can stay dark for seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and at it’s most insidious—years. 

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Sometimes the pain people carry is too much to handle. It’s enough to make them sad or numb until they die. It’s the greatest tragedy, that of missed connection, missed opportunity, missed belonging, missed calling and missed gratitude. 

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To stay alive is challenging, but to keep the soul alive is the hardest. Figuring out who am, what my purpose is, and how to design my life has been the greatest adventure of all.  It can’t always be pretty, enjoyable, delicious, sexy or exciting. The heartbreak is necessary to understand the full spectrum of emotion, contrast the light, and to appreciate the good times when they come. But even with all it’s imperfections, I can’t help but feel optimistic. I’m not going to be here forever so while I still remain, I want to make my life a work of art, painted with love and attention, filled with beauty, grace, gratitude, depth, texture, vision and all the things that remind me that this matters.

← Sold a Painting!7th Annual Supersonic Invitational at Spoke Art NYC →

Latest Posts

- "A Simple Life"
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I'm excited to share this piece sold yesterday! I enjoyed making this seascape last winter. I was inspired by the views at my work on a cold overcast day. It's so calming getting lost in thought, looking out at the endless horizon. I was ecstatic to find out this piece found a new home. I'm so grateful people are enjoying my work and supporting my craft. It only leads to more art and more travels so I can continue living the dream! More seascapes to come people! 🌊🖤-
I've been thinking incessantly about the process of making ideas happen. How the conceptual becomes physical. How art can further growth, the development of a career, the creation of more ideas and a positive impact on others.
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For me it all starts with a curiosity to better understand a process, a practice, a person, an experience or a field of study. This leads to insights, new modes of thinking, connections made from various realms, and if the information being entertained is interesting enough to keep me focused, then an intention is formed.
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From there I ideate and throw concepts around the room, sketching up rough drafts and visualizing the end product. This brainstorming phase tends to be unfiltered and searches for a narrative to direct my energy into, but once my thoughts settle down and an idea is chosen, it's time to find clarity through action. I schedule in "practice" or painting sessions to begin completing the project I've set out to pursue. I say no to other ideas temporarily to take this singular vision to fruition. I see it as a challenge, an opportunity to refine my talents, learn new skills so as to push myself beyond my own limitations & deliver great work.
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Crossing the finish line of completing a piece is a fulfilling and empowering feeling however the work is not yet done. It's time to ship the idea, or in other words, to share my latest work with the world. This gives me a chance to give context to my art so as to inspire, entertain, and educate others on my personal practice. I'm able to build a following and market my work simply by talking about what I care about most! This form of outreach can often lead to amazing connections and conversations.
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After it's all said and done, I check in with myself by breaking down my approach, reflecting on my decisions by analyzing what worked and what didn't--what parts were fun and others painful, and anything that I might have learned along the way. Journaling these thoughts puts words to feelings and helps me stay aligned with my roots(the reasons why I do the things I do) and also gets me to come back in the studio the next day to do it all over again. This is how I make art I love making.
- I've been working on expanding from my seascape series. Taking a short break from portraits has allowed for me to tap into the abstract, illustrative nature of painting waves and horizons. It's less about precision and more about going with the flow and doing what feels right. I'm able to relax and follow my intuition to make seascapes that appeal to me and my palette.
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Having time off from the restaurant has led to a lot of amazing moments shared with friends and family and I can feel my anxiety begin to quiet down enough for my creative spark to ignite. Feels good to be back in the studio patiently painting away and building a new collection.
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Cheers to feeling lighter, healthy, and excited to be able to live a life designed the way I want. A lot of fun stuff to share with you in these upcoming months!
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Thanks for following my journey and for being a part of my life. I've been receiving lots of positive comments and interesting questions. Hearing your stories and perspectives is an honor and I'm so grateful you take the time to write to me. Much love and have a beautiful day!
It's time to auction it off!
"Welcome Home" | Seascape 11 | 6 in x 6 in oil on cradled birch wood panel
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The auction is open worldwide so you're all welcome to bid in the comment section. Minimum bid is $1, no cents please! All bids must be USD.
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Shipping will not be included and is an additional $10 (US) / $20 (international).
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The auction will end Saturday 06-09-18 at 6 PM (tonight) PST (California time).
PayPal only.
Starting price is $10.
This is your chance to get your hands on an original oil painting piece from my seascape series at an affordable cost!
Write in the price here in the comment section! Click Newest first to see the latest bid!
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Very grateful for your support 😊🙏🏻👨🏼‍🎨✨- 🌊🌊🌊
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- The latest news on mental health, depression and suicide from well known celebrities and lovable individuals have been shocking and disheartening. Im not exactly sure to how to feel about it all--whether anger, confusion, or sadness. I'm at a total loss of words and in disbelief.
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I suppose in many ways it's not my story to tell and none of my business the choices people have made to take their own lives. Depression is a tricky thing. It sneaks up on you. It's a way out. It's an escape. It's a lonely place to be, but if you dwell in that place long enough, the lights go out, the ground swallows you up, and it becomes your home. It comes in many shapes and sizes, colors and cultures, and it's pain ranges on a spectrum from bleeding out uncontrollably to being numb--both of which eventually fester and scar.
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Depression doesn't care who it infects--doesn't discriminate by gender, race, social or political status. It simply follows where it's called upon.
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Life in high school was hard for me. I was in pain, nobody noticed, and I didn't talk about it. Sometimes I look back on those years spent in that place between hell and reality. I didn't even see it coming or know it's name until I was caught in the middle of it.
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I never expected to be overcome by depression.
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It took me a really long time to let myself feel again. The healing process was slow and steady and developing trust in others and myself has been a gradual, daily challenge. I've endured both physical and mental pain. The physical came with an autoimmune disease and disability. The mental came with depression, loneliness and anxiety.
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These things broke me for a while, but I survived and overcame these moments that could have taken over my life and taken what little I had left during my lowest lows. But it didn't. Because a part of me still wanted to live. A part of me recognized that I had demons and maybe at one time in my life I had actual crutches but there was still this desire to find a way and make my life beautiful. To make my life a body of work painted with meaning and purpose.
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The only way out was through. To endure and overcome, and to be courageous enough to be vulnerable again.
- I've been thinking a lot about my approach to art and designing a lifestyle around my creativity. How I take an idea and carry it through the process of making it real, then sharing my work for others to appreciate, and finally navigating the terrain to have it find a home to make money from my art. All the while balancing this with living a life that makes sense to me.
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I suppose one of the major reasons I talk so much about this experience is because I wish someone had done it for me when I was first starting out. Before I had even picked up a paintbrush and thought that art was a potential career path. It's only recently that I started believing that making art that I enjoy and selling art don't have to be opposing ideas. I asked myself the question "Can I make money from my art without compromising my integrity and only making art that I enjoy producing?"
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Well so far my answer is yes. Now you may want to know how much is enough. Well that's purely based on your own financial needs and wants.
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As of today, some of you already know this, but I have a full-time job in a restaurant which makes for 75% of my overall income. The other 25% is generated from personal sales, prints, and gallery sales. Compared to the 0% it used to be 3 years ago, I'd say I'm headed in the right direction.
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I'm in no rush to quit my job though, & I'm in no rush to become a full-time painter. I have no need to put a label on myself and have to "choose" one over the other. I'm doing what I feel to be right to further along my long term vision of growing my bank account, furthering my skills in art and marketing, and developing a routine that is fun, engaging, challenging and enjoyable.
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Working hard will always be a part of my life, but it's only recently that I started working hard for myself. This newfound appreciation and respect for myself has ultimately led to the small successes I've managed to collect so far. I don't have it all figured it out but in the meantime, I'll continue to paint, document and share this process while making an honest living working at the restaurant.
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This is my trajectory.
Featured
Jan 9, 2019
Post Ranch Inn Show!
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019
Jun 3, 2018
The Trajectory of my Art
Jun 3, 2018
Jun 3, 2018
May 1, 2018
Sold a Painting!
May 1, 2018
May 1, 2018
Feb 8, 2018
Good Pain
Feb 8, 2018
Feb 8, 2018
Jan 12, 2018
7th Annual Supersonic Invitational at Spoke Art NYC
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 4, 2018
How to Overcome an Art Block
Jan 4, 2018
Jan 4, 2018
Jan 1, 2018
The Value of Time
Jan 1, 2018
Jan 1, 2018
Dec 29, 2017
Progression Not Perfection
Dec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017
Dec 22, 2017
Creatives with No Audience
Dec 22, 2017
Dec 22, 2017
Dec 21, 2017
Designing a Studio Space
Dec 21, 2017
Dec 21, 2017
Dec 21, 2017
Seascape Auctions!
Dec 21, 2017
Dec 21, 2017
Dec 13, 2017
Born Afraid
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 8, 2017
My relationship with Depression
Dec 8, 2017
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Dec 6, 2017
Why I paint Surrealism?
Dec 6, 2017
Dec 6, 2017
Mar 9, 2017
CULTURA PRIVATE COLLECTION
Mar 9, 2017
Mar 9, 2017
Mar 9, 2017
Self-Initiated Projects
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Mar 9, 2017
Jan 12, 2017
Time Lapse of Oil Painting "Carmel Bay" - 2017 Free Spirit Collection - Beau Bernier Frank
Jan 12, 2017
Jan 12, 2017
Jan 7, 2017
Episode 03 - Find a Mentor
Jan 7, 2017
Jan 7, 2017
Jan 4, 2017
Episode 2 - Moleskine Notebooks
Jan 4, 2017
Jan 4, 2017
Dec 22, 2016
"Off the Grid" - 19 Karen Gallery - Mermaid Beach, Gold Coast Australia
Dec 22, 2016
Dec 22, 2016

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